As a lawyer, I have often come across the word “Equality”. As an only girl child, I was brought up in an environment, which never made me feel unequal. I was given the best education my parents could afford, I was encouraged to learn Judo, as much as I was taught classical dancing. Later in life, I had the freedom to choose my career or my life partner. I was always told to walk with my head held high.
But, since the last few years I have been silently contemplating the real concept of equality, specifically from the perspective of an Asian family. Are women really equal to men or is it just a myth and we still have a long way to go before we actually become “equal” in every sense?
My journey of contemplation started a few years after my marriage. I had stepped out of the rosy world my parents had created for me and I wouldn’t be entirely wrong in admitting that my first face off with the real world issues were after I got married.
A few years into our marriage, a lot of our relatives would gently murmur and ask me about our plans of starting a family. For the first few times, I politely ignored the question, until I was intrigued by this habit of shamelessly invading our privacy. My husband was always spared from these uncomfortable situations. To not start a family as yet, was a mutual decision. My husband was very much a part of the entire process. But, it’s the women who have to be a victim of societal interrogation. This was the first blow to the concept of equality.
My husband is fond of kids. One fine day, while we were casually discussing parenthood, he expressed his willingness to be a father. Considering me and my husband are both passionate about our careers , my immediate response to his inclination to have kids, was if he was also willing to be a stay at home father for 3 days a week, so that I could also continue with my profession? He did not have a definitive answer. He fumbled. He is not a male chauvinistic man. However, he still went silent. That is when I realized that as a society we have conditioned “men” to believe that there is nothing major for them to do, once the “ 30 seconds job” is successful.
As an only child, I was never made to work at home. My mother taught me the basics of cooking for survival, in case I go abroad for studies, but never because I am a girl and I would be required to cook all my life. My parents instead persuaded me to focus on my studies. However, after I got married, I realized that cooking, taking care of the house, the responsibility to keep it spick and span, manage groceries, ensure guests are comfortable and all other little chores that come with running a house was a part of my job as a “woman”. And wait a second, I am not complaining. I happily continue to do so as I love taking care of our little abode. But, what disappoints me is that, if I am not at home or traveling, everything in the house comes to a standstill. I have a problem with gender roles. For me equality is, when the man in the house steps in my shoes and does the chores while I am not around and not leave everything unattended just because it is a “woman’s business”.
But we can’t entirely blame the “man”. While these days, a lot of men at least try to make an effort towards domestic obligations, it is the society which needs to educate young girls and boys about not stereotyping gender roles. Mothers should teach their sons to cook and to sweep, just like they way she would teach her daughter. We need to normalize men participating in domestic chores, just like we have normalized a woman stepping out of the house to make a living.
Gender Inequality does not exist only for women. Men are also expected to behave in a certain manner. Men who are sensitive or tend to get extra emotional, are always looked down upon. Men in our society are expected to run the family, just like a woman is expected to cook for the family. Why can’t the roles be reversed and yet be normal?
We live in a patriarchal society. Hence, for generations together we have been trained to treat a particular gender in a certain manner. Even gifts are identified based on genders. A boy should be given a car or a business game, while the girl gets kitchen sets and barbies. Isn’t it too regressive?
We have sufficient literature to establish general equality. It is time, we practice it wholeheartedly.
